They can afford the very best in caviar, filet mignon and whatever delectable dish you could dream up, but what’s the latest celebrity snacking trend? Cheetos.
That’s right, the suave, sunglass-sporting Chester the Cheetah has never been as popular as he is today, clutched in the orange-stained fingers of A-list celebrities. But why, when they have every luxury in the world, do celebs turn to processed cheese-flavored cornmeal sticks for satisfaction?
To decipher that anomaly, we have to look at the celebs themselves.
First up, the one who started Cheeto-mania in the first place, trashed-up and knocked-up Britney Spears. She used Cheetos to stave off pregnancy cravings, because we all know there’s nothing developing fetuses need more than fake-cheese flavored chemical compounds. But it seems the snack habit stuck, and while Brit’s baby number three is nowhere in sight, she’s still hooked on the orange stuff. A Cheetos lifer, for sure.
Moving on to Angelina Jolie. While we can’t prove she’s a Cheetos user herself, she’s starting the habit in her children at a very young age. Little Shiloh and the adopted members of clan Jolie-Pitt have been known to throw down for a score of Cheetos, and Angelina herself has been known to support their habit by supplying the processed snacks. For shame, Angelina – Cheetos are no babysitter. We only hope Shiloh can avoid Britney’s fate and kick the habit before it’s too late.
All Hail Cheetos
We think of celebs as wielding godlike qualities, but did you know all along it was actually their favorite snack food that’s touched with divinity? A youth minister in Houston found a Cheeto shaped like the son of God in his bag. That’s right, sinners: Cheesus has risen.
If that doesn’t give you the cheese-flavored heebie-jeebies, what’s bigger than finding a Cheeto Jesus? Only one thing. Cheeto Chuck Norris. This tasty and disturbing treat turned up in Twin Falls, Idaho, but it’s certainly not for eating. Cheesy Chuck sold on eBay for $16.
This just proves what we’ve all been thinking. Cheetos are bad news and their mystical powers give us the creeps. This Christ-channeling, delicious, cheese-crack snack can only spell trouble for celebs who pride themselves on hard bodies and healthy food choices. Just ask Britney, whose downfall began when she got hooked on the cheese: Once you’ve had Chester, you don’t go back. And the orange-stained journey to rock bottom sure ain’t pretty.